Do you feel like you’ve lost a part of your identity after becoming a mother?
Do you want to rediscover yourself after motherhood?
Becoming a mother is one of the greatest joys you will ever experience. It’s incredibly rewarding and fulfilling.
I always wanted to become a mom. And becoming a stay at home has been one of the most incredible experiences I’ve ever had in life. I hear my kids laughing and they’re always asking for me to play with them. They look for me whenever I’m outside of the room. I get to spend time with my kids, teach them, play with them, and build a strong relationship with them. I wanted to give them something that I didn’t get when I was a kid.
My parents worked a lot when I was growing up. I spent most of my time with my grandparents, relatives, and babysitters. I don’t have too many early memories of my parents. Most of my early memories are with my grandparents and cousins.
It’s an incredible opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom. But it also comes with its challenges.
One of the challenges of becoming a stay-at-home mom is that you can lose your identity or sense of self. When you’re a working mom, you are also whatever your profession may be whether that’s a nurse, teacher, or anything else.
As a mom, so much of you are giving and giving and giving to your kids. It’s easy to lose yourself as a stay-at-home mom. Before long, people start asking you what you do and you say, “I’m a mom.” The important thing about being a stay-at-home mom and maintaining your identity other than just “I’m a mom” is remembering who you were before you became a mom.
If you lost yourself after becoming a mom, it’s time to find yourself again and rediscover yourself.
In this blog post, I’ll share with you some tips and tricks to help you rediscover yourself after motherhood. This is what worked for me and will hopefully work for you. I’m writing this and sharing this with you because it is something I felt deeply and strongly as a mother. I want to share this with you and hopefully, it will help you too.
Take Care of You
This may sound like a no-brainer and it should be. But as a mom, you’re constantly taking care of everyone else before yourself. You are selfless and continuously giving. You take care of your needs last.
Leggings and cardigans are an easy and simple mom look. You’re running on a few hours of sleep. Your hair hasn’t been washed in days. And you’re dehydrated and snacking on your kids’ goldfish crackers.
Some days go by when you don’t shower or skip your skincare routine. It’s easy to not take care of yourself when you’re exhausted at the end of the day after taking care of everyone else.
I remember days when I was so tired at the end of the day that all I wanted to do was brush my teeth and crawl into bed. I was so exhausted. I didn’t have the energy to go through a full nighttime skincare routine.
But not taking care of yourself can harm your mental health. It can also hurt your self-esteem.
Don’t forget to get enough sleep, and take care of your hygiene and your health. There are simple lifestyle habits that you can develop to live a healthier and happier life. You need to practice self-care and also take care of yourself. You want to give your husband and kids your best self; you can’t do that if you’re not functioning and performing at your best.
Remember to take care of yourself too. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. But just the basics of getting a solid night’s sleep, napping during the day if you can, drinking enough water, and making sure you’re eating enough fruits and vegetables throughout the day to give yourself sustainable energy are some solid basics to help you take care of yourself.
Write It Down
Write down what you were like before having kids. Sit down with a piece of paper and a pen or pencil. Really. Sit down with something to write with. Be intentional about rediscovering yourself before you became a mom.
Here are some thought-provoking questions for you to answer.
- What did you enjoy doing?
- What were your hobbies?
- What made you laugh?
- Who did you spend a lot of time with? When was the last time you spoke to them? When did you last see them?
- What were your goals before your kids? How has that changed? Can you still reach those goals?
Once you have a few things written down, take a look at them and see if there’s something that you want to start up again. What were some of the most important things to you that have been overlooked now that you’ve become a parent. See if there’s something that you can do to help rediscover yourself again.
Connect with Friends
It can be hard for stay-at-home moms to have adult conversations and real meaningful adult relationships. When I was working and getting out of the house before the kids, I had lots of free time to socialize and go out. I could have happy hour with my coworkers after work and I had spontaneous dinners with friends on weeknights. Now I can’t do that anymore. Everything has to be planned weeks in advance and staying out past 8 pm is an absolute no for me.
With that being said, I think it’s important to make time and have someone to talk to. I know that being a stay at home it can get really busy. You never know at what time of the day your kids will be fighting or hungry or an accident happens. So you can’t exactly plan when to do things. But having at least one good friend whom you can call, FaceTime, or chat with during the day can help you feel more human. I think this is helpful because as a mom of two young toddlers, I feel like I’m talking to myself most of the day and just waiting for my husband to come home until I can have a real conversation.
What Did You Enjoy Before Kids?
What sort of things did you enjoy doing before you had kids? Did you have a lot of hobbies? Were weekends spent traveling and exploring new places? Do you miss the spontaneity of being able to go out on a whim?
These are some questions for you to think about. Think about what were some things that you enjoyed before having kids.
Can you incorporate some of those hobbies into your lifestyle now?
If you were a marathon runner before kids, perhaps you could run a couple of miles on the weekends. Although you may not be able to commit to running full marathons anymore, you can still get the excitement and exhilaration of running a few miles at the end of the week.
Did you have a lot of friends and were very social outside of work? Do you miss going out with friends in the evening?
Although it may not be feasible to go out every week now that you’re a mom, perhaps you could schedule a brunch or evening with friends every couple of weeks or once a month.
It’s important to maintain our relationships with our friends and loved ones even after we have kids. They are our friends before our major life events and although they may understand that we’re busy now that we have kids, it’s still important for us to maintain our relationship and friendship with them.
Make time for your friends and schedule a get-together. Although your get-togethers are no longer spontaneous, it will still be fun to have adult conversations. And your friends create a support group.
Explore Old and New Hobbies
Whether you had hobbies before kids that you want to get back into or something interesting that you’ve always wanted to try, this is the time for it.
If you want to learn how to play the piano, here is your opportunity.
If you want to learn another language like Spanish or French, sign up for a language class at a local community college or download an app on your phone.
If you want to learn how to knit or crochet, there are plenty of videos on youtube to teach you.
You might not have time for your hobbies every day, but you can schedule 30 minutes once a week. Even if it is just 30 minutes once a week, you’re putting out time for yourself to learn something new. And it’s something that you’re interested in.
Do something that you’re interested in. Something that makes you, you. If you’re learning something new for the first time, continue to make incremental steps to becoming better a little at a time. It may seem small but those small steps will add up.
Not only should you stop comparing yourself to those around you but you should also stop comparing your life to the one you had before.
Yes, I know you had a lot more freedom before kids. And you were fun and spontaneous before kids. But that was a different chapter in your life.
Practice gratitude and be thankful for the chapter you have in your life now.
There is nothing wrong with missing the old you. But just remember that the old you has been replaced with a wiser, more giving, and thoughtful you. You have become a mom and a whole new person.
Make Time for Yourself
Make time to rediscover yourself. Becoming a mother is a life-changing event that changes you mentally, physically, and spiritually. It changes you and redefines you.
After this life-changing event, it’s important to find out what you want in life. What kind of parent do you want to be? What do you enjoy most?
Of course spending time with your kids and family will bring you a lot of joy but you also need to do something that makes you happy and defines who you are.
It could be putting on makeup and trying new makeup styles. You could try painting and using new art mediums if you are an artist. Perhaps you want to try a new workout routine that you’ve been wanting to do for a while now.
Whatever it may be, make time to do something for yourself that makes you happy. You may rediscover yourself in the process.
These are some of the things that I did and that I found have helped me rediscover myself after becoming a mom. As much as I love being a mom, I am also more than that.
If you’re feeling a bit lost too, that’s okay. Becoming a mom is a huge transition and a significant life-changing event in your life. It will probably take some time to adapt and grow with the changes. But just know, that you’re not the only one feeling that way. I went through it and I’m sure there are plenty of other moms out there who also feel the same way. The important this is to recognize your feelings, acknowledge them, and do something about them. You may rediscover yourself again in the process. You can always leave a comment here too.
Let me know in the comments below if anything resonates with you. And if this post was helpful or if you think that it may be helpful for another mom out there, please like and share this post. Thank you and have a great day!